It’s Better to Look Good Than to Feel Good…

There are things I have always been a sucker for. My wife Diana rightfully calls me a “news junkie” since the news is the first thing I turn on in the morning, and no day is complete unless I have watched at least 2-3 hours of news programming in the evening. But I have always been addicted to a few other things as well and have recently added a new addiction - Curb Your Enthusiasm (just in time for it to end its 12-season run).

Other notable addictions over the years have been college basketball, Entourage, Seinfeld and of course, Saturday Night Live, which I have watched faithfully since the age my parents first let me start watching it. There have been amazing casts, unbelievably talented performers, and quite a few forgettable seasons along the way. One of those largely forgettable seasons was the 1+ year that comedian Billy Crystal was a working member of the SNL cast.

He had one memorable, recurring sketch that still makes me laugh to this day, which was his parody of Fernando Lamas and his “it’s better to look good than to feel good” line. As absurd as that sounds, there is something to be said for getting up every day and putting yourself together as best you can, even on the days when you don’t feel good. I recall my grandmother Joy Smith, who battled heart disease and diabetes for many years before her eventual death, still applying her many layers of makeup each morning and wearing a wig so she always looked as good as she could. She was a very proud woman.

Lately, it feels like my cancer is starting to break through the sandbags I have thrown down to stop its progress over these last 10+ years. Until very recently, ongoing treatment was a necessary nuisance, but my body felt surprisingly resilient throughout. Surgery, radiation (more times than I can count), hormone deprivation therapy for more than eight years, and even chemotherapy felt like comparatively small physical setbacks in the grand scheme of things.

I have always said that my success to date has been keeping the cancer out of my bones and organs. The frustrating pace with which cancer is now invading my spine, and the pain it causes, is now being complicated by the first signs of kidney disease. It’s a concerning new chapter with broad implications for my ability to fight this disease. Quite frankly, I am worried about it. But life goes on. Spring now hangs in the balance and “March Madness” has begun. Soon my TV will be filled with images of screaming fans and the strains of exuberant commentators celebrating “buzzer beaters” as David upsets Goliath during the most exciting tournament in sports.

For now, my goal is to keep up appearances, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and hang tough until I both look better AND feel better. It’s certainly what Joy Smith would have done.

Until next time,

Steve